Monday, March 30, 2009
Phases of Work
Phase 1
You are listening to jazz -- Your first day at work is great. Your coworkers are wonderful, your cubicle is cute, and your boss is the best!
Phase 2
You are listening to pop music -- After a while you are so busy that you are not sure if you're coming or going anymore.
Phase 3
You are listening to heavy metal -- This is what you feel like at month end.
You are listening to heavy metal -- This is what you feel like at month end.Phase 4
You are listening to hip hop -- You become bloated due to stress, feel sluggish and suffer from constipation. Your coworkers are too cheerful for your liking and the walls of your cubicle are closing in. You have started thinking 'WHATEVER' about your boss.
Phase 5
You are listening to GANGSTA RAP -- After more time passes, your eyes start to twitch, you forget what a 'good hair day' feels like as you just fall out of bed and load up on caffeine.
Phase 6
You are listening to the voices in your head -- You have build a makeshift door on your cubicle to keep people out, You have a dartboard with your bosses picture on it in your cube, You wonder why you are even here in the first place.
By Audrey, Emmitsburg, Md.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
blonde joke
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic, "It died."
After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
She says: "What's the story?"
He replies: "Just crap in the carburetor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?"
She tells the mechanic, "It died."
After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
She says: "What's the story?"
He replies: "Just crap in the carburetor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?"
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
jokes
Money...It can buy a house . . . . . but not a home.
It can buy a bed . . . . . but not sleep.
It can buy a clock . . . . . but not time.
It can buy a book . . . . . but not knowledge.
It can buy a position . . . . . but not respect.
It can buy medicine . . . . . but not health.
It can buy blood . . . . . but not life.
It can buy sex . . . . . but not love.
So you see, money isn't everything and it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend, as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. CASH ONLY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The sooner , the better.
Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix . . .
. . . the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed."
There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . .we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another hour. But don't worry... we still have one engine left."
Sherry, a young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and sighed, ......."If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and, ...Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
a joke
A woman walks into a butcher's shop...
... just before closing time and asks, "Do you have any turkey?"
The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only turkey and puts it on the weighing scales. It weighs six pounds.
The woman looks at the turkey and at the scales and asks, "Do you have one that's a bit bigger than this one, please?" The butcher puts the turkey back into the fridge and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scales he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scales now show eight pounds
"That's wonderful," says the woman. "I'll take both of them, please!"
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
... just before closing time and asks, "Do you have any turkey?"
The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only turkey and puts it on the weighing scales. It weighs six pounds.
The woman looks at the turkey and at the scales and asks, "Do you have one that's a bit bigger than this one, please?" The butcher puts the turkey back into the fridge and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scales he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scales now show eight pounds
"That's wonderful," says the woman. "I'll take both of them, please!"
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
fitness
im coming for you... you woke me from my nap
this is why wimen live longer then men
this is a brave cat
sad if this is fitness wow....
thats got to hurt
this is a dom blond anserthis must be pain full...
crazy cool dog get out of eny thing.......
you need to know your car befor you clean it...
this one smart car..
ouch...
Sunday, December 14, 2008
blonde joke
I was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
I dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," I said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,.."Okay, you can go I didn't realize you were a cop.
I dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," I said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,.."Okay, you can go I didn't realize you were a cop.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
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