jokes

Money...It can buy a house . . . . . but not a home.
It can buy a bed . . . . . but not sleep.
It can buy a clock . . . . . but not time.
It can buy a book . . . . . but not knowledge.
It can buy a position . . . . . but not respect.
It can buy medicine . . . . . but not health.
It can buy blood . . . . . but not life.
It can buy sex . . . . . but not love.
So you see, money isn't everything and it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend, as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.... So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. CASH ONLY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The sooner , the better.

Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix . . .
. . . the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed."
There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . .we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another hour. But don't worry... we still have one engine left."
Sherry, a young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and sighed, ......."If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and, ...Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."